So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
farters have to be the big spoon...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
