Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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