told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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