is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
