I heard we made out
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
