chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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