I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
