I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
