Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
