She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
