She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
