So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
