So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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