I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
