I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
