Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
