So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
