I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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