I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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