Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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