He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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