I just cut my nipple shaving
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My bed smells like the plague
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
