9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i think my cat just said my name.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
