I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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