the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
