Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
