Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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