so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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