Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
one two three fourrrrnication!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
