I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
