he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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