my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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