Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
