I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
How naked do you want me to be?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
