wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
