apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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