My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
