I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
