Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
