So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
