so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
