Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
