Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
