hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
