One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
