Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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