Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
