Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
