Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
