All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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