he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
