How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
