Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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