Are we in a gay sports bar?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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