so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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