got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A+ Viking dick
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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