So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
