okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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