I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
