you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
