There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
